Last Friday, some prick shot up an elementary school in Newtown, Connecticut, 6.5 miles away from my mother’s house. If you or someone you know lost a loved one in the attack, you have my deepest sympathy. I am truly sorry for your loss. If you were not directly affected by the attack however, please be quiet. Since Friday, both traditional and social media have been dominated by the mandatory masterbatory expulsions of grief, both sincere and not, as well as declarations of outrage about the state of mental health in our nation, and opinionated rants both for and against updated gun-control laws. Most of all though, people have been asking WHY?

WHY is this such an upsetting event? I think I know. While I am acquainted with survivors of this shooting, I did not know any of the people killed in the attack personally. I’d say this attack is super extra upsetting because innocent children were killed, but i’m pretty sure a car bomb just blew away an orphanage in Northern Turdburglestan, killing hundreds, and we collectively didn’t even blink. I suppose it must be because these were OUR babies. Our beautiful, white, upper-middle class babies. Mass murder is more easily ignored when it occurs somewhere else, preferably somewhere horrible and dusty. It is much harder to stomach when it hits close to home. It inconveniently reminds us that bad things happen to good people, and no matter what we do, we are all vulnerable. I know, I know, this is America, nothing bad is ever supposed to happen HERE, to US, but I guess the gunman didn’t get that memo.

So, WHY did this appalling event happen? It happened because the shooter was a crazy person. You can point fingers all you’d like, at the parents who should have recognized the danger and taken action in the past, at the system which failed another deeply disturbed young man, or at the United States’ gun-centric culture which allows firearms to be so abundant and easily obtainable.

Fuck all that. The shooter is to blame. He is the reason this horrible event happened. He made the decision to commit murder, and he pulled the trigger. He is responsible, not his parents, not the NRA, not Call of Duty: Black Ops. He was a crazy person, and he made the inconceivable decision to kill children. Would you have thought to do that? No. Did you predict someone else would do it? No. How could you? It’s crazy. Crazy people are a thing. They exist.

Nobody in my family is afflicted with a mental illness like that. I don’t know what it takes to treat, prevent, identify, or alleviate problems of this nature, so i’m not weighing in on that discussion.

I do know about guns however.

A lot of people think that the shooter’s mother should not have owned firearms, especially not the military style “assault rifle” which was used in the murders. Clearly, she should not have, but please remember, only restrospect is 20/20. Try to put yourself in her place. You are a woman with a disturbed son, but he is still your son. You can’t believe the worst of him, no matter what the evidence, because he is your son. Maybe he shows violent tendencies, maybe he is threatening sometimes. Maybe, subconsciously, you are scared by him, but you can’t admit that to yourself, because what type of mother would ever admit that their child is scary and dangerous? A bad mother, that’s who, and you’re not a bad mother damn it. Is this actually what the woman thought? We can’t ask her, but it’s possible.

So WHY did she own guns? WHY would anybody own guns? WHY are guns legal? Guns have one purpose, to kill. So, if you own a gun, you must therefore want to kill, right? Yes and no. Yes and no.

I agree with the mainstream media, efforts have to be made to prevent tragedies like this from happening, but how do you go about doing that? Please, tell me. Give me clear steps to follow, and I will follow them.

I want you to know, I am a gun owner. I enjoy hunting, because beasts are delicious, so I have firearms for hunting. They are not designed for use against human beings like assault weapons are, but they could easily be used to kill human beings too.

I also have a handgun. The handgun is designed to kill human beings, and to do it simply and efficiently. It is a terrible piece of equipment. I do not want to ever have to use it, but I will do anything to protect my family. Anything. Including ending a life.

I will gladly give up my guns, if you can promise me that my family and I will always be safe. Promise me that. Promise me that there are no more bad people left in the world, and we will never be threatened, and I will give you my guns today. If you cannot promise me that however, I will keep my guns thank you very much. Judge me all you’d like, I don’t mind.

I own guns. I am not willing to give them up. Unlike most gun owners however, I am willing to admit that guns are the worst. People kill people with guns. The more guns that exist, the more gun violence there will be. The easier it is to get guns, the more gun violence there will be. The more rounds a gun can carry, and the quicker it is to fire those rounds, the more gun violence there will be. Duh. Even so, I am not willing to lessen my ability to protect myself and my family in a quest to improve gun violence statistics.

So what is the deal with assault weapons? I don’t own any, but basically, assault weapons are military style guns which can fire many bullets, quickly. Why in the world would you need a military grade firearm? Well, for one, to protect yourself from the military. I don’t think that the government or military are about to turn on us anytime soon…but it’s nice to have options if they did. I also don’t believe a red dawn scenario is likely, with the continental United States being invaded and civilians having to take up arms to defend their homeland…but the fact that our civilians have such powerful arms to take up is reassuring… to some. At the end of the day, Assault weapons are most likely excessive and extravagant and a horrible idea. But can you promise they are? Promise?

Connecticut is actually pretty restrictive compared to most states when it comes to the hoops you have to jump through to legally obtain a firearm. I am number one A-OK with that. You want that. Purchasing a firearm should not be a casual decision. Nor should it be impossible however. I would love to live in a magical gumdrop candy cane world where nobody has guns and violent criminals and the psychotically deranged do not exist. Instead, I live on Earth, and am part of a notoriously violent and aggressive race. Do we have a problem, culturally? Yep. Do we have too many guns? You bet. Will I give mine up then? Nope.

Regulate all you’d like. You can’t stop all the crazy. If there is even one bad guy left in the world, I want to be able to protect my family from him if I have to. That is why I own guns.