The entirety of this blog site consists of my dumb opinions on various random topics, and since I am admittedly a fairly stupid guy, most of those opinions are unpopular with at least a small portion of my readership. Sure, some opinions, like my belief that almost all politicians are greedy and corrupt assholes, are fairly uncontroversial and universally held, while others (like my opinion that our current president is every bit as much of a greedy and corrupt asshole as all of those career politicians, with the only difference being that he doesn’t even pretend to the thin veneer of diplomacy most of them adhere to and also he is much, much, MUCH stupider than your average bullying high school dropout) might really only be shared by slightly more than half of my audience. That is the great thing about opinions. Everybody has them, and they can all be different. I like to think that my opinions are based on an above average amount of information gathering, critical thinking, and reflection, but even my most logical and well-supported opinions will still have at least some naysayers and detractors. That is fair. Everybody is entitled to their own opinion on a subject. Please don’t confuse opinions with facts however. If you refuse to acknowledge a proven fact, you’re simply an idiot and an asshole, and your point of view is irrelevant.

For example, I do not like chocolate. I dislike the taste. That is my opinion, and it is an unpopular opinion, but I am entitled to it, and you are entitled to disagree with it if you so choose. If I said that chocolate does not exist however, that is not an opinion. That is just wrong. Chocolate, by every conceivable metric of measurement, does indeed exist. So while I cannot validly argue that chocolate does not exist, I can validly argue about my opinion regarding the disgusting taste of chocolate for forever and a day, even if almost 90% of the population disagrees with me.

So that is what I am going to do. I am going to argue my case for some of my most unpopular opinions, because why not? Sometimes it is refreshing to alienate and alarm as many people as humanly possible, and I am in a contentious mood today. I am confident that I have some opinions that even my staunchest supporters and closest friends will find distasteful, rude, and downright ignorant. I can’t wait to share them with you.

Unpopular Opinion 1: Sports fans are creepy weirdos.

I love playing sports, both competitively, and just for funsies with friends. I don’t really enjoy watching other people play sports though. What is the point of watching other people have fun? There is no real draw for me. Be that as it may, I have nothing against people who do enjoy watching sporting events. Those who can’t do, teach, right, so I guess those who can’t play, watch.

Enthusiastic Sports Fans on the other hand, are super creepy. You know the type. They wear all of the overpriced branded merchandise, they obsess over team rosters and statistics, they watch every game, and they are more passionate about watching overpaid strangers play games than they are about their own jobs or families. Far be it for me to gate keep what is acceptable fun and where people can derive pleasure, but come on. If someone asks how the team you root for played last night, and you say “We” did really well, you’re an idiot. You are not on the team. You are in no way essential to their success. They don’t even know you exist. Additionally, if you have a rabid fanaticism for a sports team that you probably only like due to completely arbitrary criteria like the geographic location where you were born, or the pleasing colors on their jerseys, and you’re willing to get in actual literal physical fights about them…you might be mentally handicapped. If you spiral into a depressive episode because “your” team lost the big game of shooty hoops or slappy sticks, maybe you should take a step back and remember that YOU are not on the team, and you’re upset because strangers you don’t actually know lost at a game that they were playing.

Obviously, sports are wildly popular, if they weren’t, professional male athletes wouldn’t earn hundreds of thousands or even millions of dollars, and professional female athletes wouldn’t earn hundreds or even thousands of dollars to play them. There is still a difference between enjoying witnessing peak athletes at the top of their game exhibit world class athleticism in a competitive endeavor, and being a rabid fan of one particular team or franchise.

Unpopular Opinion 1.5: I think professional male athletes SHOULD get paid more than professional female athletes, in sports where males perform better than females.

Sure, pay should be comparable in sports like auto racing, or shooting, or bowling, or billiards, or golf, or basically any sport where men and women can and do compete equally against each other, but in sports where men and women NEED to compete in separate leagues due to wildly different physical abilities, the better, more exciting league should obviously get paid more money, because that league is more entertaining to watch. Due to the fact that men are generally much faster and stronger than women…those better leagues are pretty much always the men’s league. So no, I’m not offended that male soccer teams make much more money than female soccer teams, because male soccer teams are much better at soccer than female soccer teams. In fact, a world class professional female soccer team would probably be beaten by any old average high school boys soccer team. I would actually be offended if the female teams were making the same amount as their male counterparts, because the product they provide – entertaining athletic competition – is an inferior product, so female soccer leagues have less fans and sell less tickets, and less merchandise, and consequently make less money, so obviously the athletes should be paid less money. The same goes for male vs. female basketball, or hockey, or baseball/softball, or boxing, or rugby or American football, or really anything that women athletes simply can’t do, or can’t do as well as male athletes. Which brings me to:

Unpopular Opinion 2: Transgender people are deserving of respect, love, and equal rights just like everybody else BUT they shouldn’t be allowed to compete in athletics as the gender they are transitioning to.

There have been a few recent examples of Male to Female transgender athletes, athletes that biologically were born male, but are transitioning or have transitioned to female, competing in female sports, and absolutely crushing the competition. Well yeah…of course they are. Even though they are women, and may have even undergone gender reconstruction surgery and are taking a cocktail of hormone replacement drugs to help their bodies better reflect who they are on the inside, their bodies are still male bodies. It is telling that, even though there are obviously Female to Male transgender athletes too, none of them are getting attention for dominating in male sports, because even with male hormones making their bodies stronger, hairier and more durable, they are still at a natural disadvantage because the bodies they were born with are female bodies, and female bodies are for the most part smaller and weaker than male bodies. So when a person who has a biologically male body competes in a female league, they are at an unfair advantage. If a female athlete took a bunch of performance enhancing drugs like steroids and HGH and doped their blood and did whatever else they could do to obtain an unfair advantage over their competition, they would be barred from competing in that sport. MTF transgender athletes have just as much, if not more of an unfair advantage encoded directly into their DNA. Therefore, I am of the opinion that although transgender people should be able to present how they choose, and live their lives with their outside reflecting who they are on the inside, and enjoy love and work and existence free from stigma or persecution, they should not be allowed to compete in any cisgendered sports leagues where biological sex creates an unfair advantage.

Unpopular Opinion 2.5: Transgender people do not necessarily have a right to be part of the armed forces.

Me, I think if any able bodied, physically healthy and emotionally stable person wants to serve in the armed forces, good for them, they should be allowed to. As soon as somebody’s physical or mental irregularities cost more money or make them less fit for duty however, to me they are no longer a desirable option. I mean, our current president was excused from military service because of alleged bone spurs. That simple little detail (and massive amounts of money, I’m sure) was all it took to make the Commander in Chief of our armed forces (go figure) unfit for military service.

Ultimately, the purpose of our armed forces is to deter or win wars, by efficiently delivering death to our enemies as inexpensively as possible to the American taxpayer. The purpose of the military is not to be a fair, non-discriminatory, equal opportunity employer, and not to be a safe space. So yes, while transgender people are deserving of as much respect and civil protections as anybody else, the military’s hiring policies should be exclusively focused on allowing us to win wars inexpensively, efficiently, and expeditiously. If the military came out with some sort of fusion powered power armor that made our soldiers nearly impervious in battle, but could only be worn by people above 6’7” tall, I would have no problem with them only accepting 6’7”+ soldiers into their ranks. Alternatively, if they mass produced highly effective tiny battle tanks and fighter jets that could only fit pygmy dwarf operators, I would not cry foul that my 6’2” ass would not be accepted to use one. By the same token, if allowing only cisgendered, physically healthy, mentally stable individuals to serve in the military creates the least expensive, most effective fighting force possible, in my opinion, that is fine. While we’re on the topic of the military:

Unpopular Opinion 3: Military service members are not heroes.

We’re not supposed to criticize the military. Well to that I say Phooey. The minute you can’t criticize something is the minute it most needs criticism. This idea that our military servicemen and women are all heroes is completely preposterous. Don’t get me wrong, there can be heroes in the military. There might even be a higher percentage of heroes in the military than in civilian roles, not because military members are inherently more heroic, but because dangerous situations where heroics are required occur at a greater frequency in war than in peacetime. That does NOT mean that “the military” as a whole is heroic, or even that the majority of military service members are heroes simply for wearing the uniform.

Is the local gangbanger who enlists for four years to obtain training and knowledge that will help his gang expand and control their turf upon his return a hero? Probably not.

Is the 18 year old kid whose first girlfriend just dumped him so he walked into the army recruiters office at the local strip mall all angsty and brokenhearted a hero? Doubtful.

Is the clever sociopath who simply likes killing and figures it’s easier and more convenient to do so overseas with explicit governmental permission a hero? Nope.

Granted, the hypothetical service members described above are hopefully few and far between, but that doesn’t change the fact that what our military servicemen and women most often are, are young and impressionable. Young men and women are not known for their maturity or critical thinking skills. These are boys who buy a V6 Camaro from a Chevy dealership at the edge of base with their sign on bonus and financed at 29% interest, and get married after dating a girl for 2 months to get better housing. Then after enough slimy back room deals happen in congress, they’re shipped off to some shithole oil producing country to follow orders to kill or be killed in an illegal, irrational war – not to protect the citizens  and soil of their own country, but instead just so some corporate conglomerate can make more money, and meanwhile their new wife is starring in casting couch videos on pornhub within a week of deployment.

Some people enlist to get vocational job training. Some enlist to pay for college. Some go to the academy or through OCS to become officers, and make a career out of it. To many it’s just a job, and not even an especially exciting or dangerous one, depending on their posting and MOS. Lots of people have jobs. They aren’t automatically heroes. So, it is my opinion that while members of the military certainly can and do act heroically when the situation calls for it, simply putting on the uniform does not a hero make.

Unpopular Opinion 4: Experiencing emotions is healthy, but being controlled by your emotions is immature and childish.

There is a big push to fight toxic masculinity and to teach boys to experience and express their emotions in a healthier way. Emotions are natural, and healthy, and essential to our well-being. You absolutely should be able to acknowledge and express your emotions. That is only half of the equation however. Even dumb babies can express emotions. When they’re sad they cry, when they’re happy they laugh. What babies cannot do, and what mature adults can, is remain in control of their emotions, and react reasonably to external stimuli. An immature child will feel annoyed by something and become angry, and then lash out in anger by throwing a temper tantrum. A mature adult should have the self-restraint and self-awareness to think logically through their initial surge of emotion, determine where it is coming from and whether their reaction to it is appropriate given the situation, and then avoid an unsightly loss of control.

Say somebody at work annoys you. Is it appropriate to blow up in a hissy fit, and cry and scream and throw things? No, obviously not. Should you be able to look at the situation logically and realize that maybe you are feeling so strongly about the issue because you didn’t get enough sleep last night, or you haven’t eaten lunch yet and your blood sugar is dropping, or you’re on your period and your hormones have you feeling a little over sensitive, thus allowing you to understand and then overcome your initial, illogical and inappropriate emotional reaction? Yes.

Even if your reaction is appropriate, a mature adult should always be able to overcome that emotional response anyway, and act in a calm and collected manner. Your emotions should never burden your friends and loved ones. If you’re feeling upset, you should always at the minimum be able to politely excuse yourself to go work through those negative emotions alone. If you’re a grumpy, cranky old bastard whose bitching and moaning ruins everybody else’s day, and you insist upon bringing everybody else down with your negative feelings, I think not only are you immature and childish for being controlled by those feelings, you are also incredibly selfish for forcing others to experience those feelings too. Feel all the negative feelings you want, just please stoically suffer in silence like an adult. You can practice this with my next unpopular opinion.

Unpopular Opinion 5: Abortion is not killing a person, and even if it is, so what?

First of all, I don’t think a fertilized egg is a human being, so there should be no question that a woman should be able to scrape it out of her hoo ha if she so chooses. Secondly, even if it is a potential human being, I say that the mother’s bodily autonomy always exceeds any right to life that the little clump of cells that might someday turn into an unwanted child may have. Third of all, that’s her unwanted child. She can do whatever she wants with it. I think if parents have a baby and it comes out wonky or they just decide they don’t want it, they should be able to throw it off a cliff, Spartan style. Who cares? It’s their baby, they can do what they want with it. If they tried to throw someone else’s baby off a cliff, I would understand the argument against their right to do so, but if it’s their baby, pitcher take the mound.

What are we going to do, run out of babies? Our planet is over-crowded, we can use the extra elbow room. What are we going to miss out on, some great genius inventor philanthropist who will save us all? Doubtful. Even beloved, wanted babies, from nurturing, supportive parents pretty much all turn out mediocre at best, and really rather shitty  most of the time. An unwanted baby from ill-equipped and unready parents almost always ends up worse than that. It’s no secret that access to safe and legal abortions following Roe vs Wade led to a huge down turn in crime several years later, and it’s because all of the babies that would have been born to parents without the finances, education, and desire to raise them well, were never actually born to grow up to be criminals and delinquents. So, yes, I think abortions should be legal everywhere. Comprehensive sex education focusing on actual education, along with freely available birth control should also be available everywhere. It’s our ass-backwards, puritanical, abstinence-only, outdated, religiously inspired sexual mores that actually create the need for many abortions to begin with, so I think it’s pretty fucking stupid for conservative religious zealots to oppose abortions when they’re also responsible for perpetuating the ignorance and misinformation that make the need for abortions more likely. So again, abortions should be legal, but also, so should baby murders, because fuck em, we’ve got plenty. If THAT opinion wasn’t enough to turn you against me, try this one on for size:

Unpopular Opinion 6: I don’t like dogs.

I very much prefer cats. I’ve owned both dogs and cats, and cats are way easier. First, to get a cat, you just need to leave your door open for like 12 minutes and a random garbage cat will wander out from under a bush and into your house and decide to adopt you. That’s it, that’s the entire process. To get a dog you have to choose the breed you want, find the breeder, who inevitably lives 2000 miles away, pay them thousands of dollars so they can get a brother and sister dog to mate, then they send you the neurotic inbred offspring 6 months later, and you have to go to the airport to pick it up, and it always has worms and shits all over your house nonstop for the first week, then you get to spend years teaching it not to gnaw on your baseboards or hump your furniture until finally it gets hip dysplasia and even after a 7 thousand dollar surgery it still drags itself around the house like Herbert the Pervert’s dog from Family Guy, creeping everybody out for the last two years of its short and expensive life.

Dogs are stressful. After a long tiring day at work, the last thing I want to do is to come home and immediately be bombarded by a loud, smelly, excited, jumping, barking animal whose entire life revolves around me. It’s too in your face and abrasive, and not at all relaxing. A cat on the other hand will be quietly napping on the couch and maybe open one eye for a second as if to say, oh hey, you still exist? That’s cool. Then they go back to napping. It’s only once you’re unpacked and in your comfortable house clothes and actually relaxing yourself that they saunter over to give and receive some casual affection.

Plus, you can have a more independent lifestyle with a cat. If I end up going out after work and make a late night of it, there’s no rush to get home before the cat pees or craps on the floor like a dog would. If I have a weekend away from home, I don’t need to schedule someone to come feed/walk/watch the cat, I can set out some extra food and water and he’s just fine on his own.

Not to mention, cats are less stressful for your guests. If you go to a house with a cat, you might never even know it, because the cat will leave you alone. If you go to a house with a dog, you know it immediately, because it’s barking at the door as soon as you arrive, and then it’s jumping on you and clawing you, then it’s drooling on you, then it’s barking at the window at the mailman, then it’s jumping on you again, then it’s trying to steal your food, then it’s barking if you walk into a different room, then it’s barking if you try to leave, then it’s got a weird red rocket boner and it’s humping everything, then it’s eating your shoes, then your host needs to take it for a walk to get it to poop, then they need to pick up its poop, and the entire time it hasn’t stopped making noise or being hyper, and it’s a complete nightmare.

Having a dog is like sharing your home with an insane stalker who has an unlimited supply of methamphetamine so he never runs out of energy, and also he insists on cock blocking you if you bring a girl around. Having a cat is like having a moderately aloof roommate who you’re pretty cool with, and sometimes you hang out but sometimes you don’t and that’s okay, and he’s totally down with being your wingman and helping you get laid. All he asks is to get to sit on the dresser by your bed and watch it all go down.

So there you have it. Eight homegrown, wildly unpopular opinions that have hopefully made you uncomfortable. If you’re wondering how I could be so monstrous, I don’t know what to tell you. That’s just the way I feel, man.

If you actually agree with me on most of them however…you’re gross and I like the cut of your jib. Let’s be friends.