I earned a lot of good will with my last post about reading. I think the honesty it contained was touching for a lot of people. Even my girlfriend Marissa Kay complemented me on it, and as a general rule, the only time she enjoys something i’m writing is when i’m writing a check. To her. (Even then, she has made it abundantly clear that she prefers cash.) Me being who I am however, I cannot simply sit back and enjoy having touched a few people in what was for once an appropriate manner.

So let’s destroy all that new-found good will shall we?

Feminism is dumb. Marissa and I were recently enjoying a scrumtrulescent burrito treat at Iguanas Ranas down on mainstreet, a hobbit sized Mexican place I highly recommend, when in the course of conversation she mentioned that she had just finished reading a book on feminism. I wish I could remember the name of it, but I wasn’t really paying attention, as it all sounded terribly boring and whiny, which I suppose it would have to be, since it was written by a girl. (I joke, a lot of my favorite authors are women, and they are every bit as talented as their male counterparts.) (Female stand-up comedians on the other hand, I think we can all agree as a general rule, SUCK.) Needless to say, since the book did not contain guns, wizards, spaceships, or any combination of the aforementioned, I did not read it, but judging from Marissa’s description, the author maintained a raging lady-boner over her opinion that we Americans live in a flawed society where the rape of women is accepted, and even seen as inevitable. Marissa then went on to articulate that it was unfair that as a woman, and only because she was a woman, she had to live in fear that at any moment she might be grabbed by some hooded and cloaked ne’er do well, and forced to give H-J’s behind some bleachers. She explained that it was unacceptable that some cracked out prostitute passed out in an alley somewhere would run the risk of being violated sexually, because evidently our society turns a blind eye to that sort of thing.

I pondered long and hard on this revelation, and crafted a well-plotted, mature response, which came out as “you sound like a crazy person.”

First off, rape in our culture is NOT accepted, that is why there are laws against it. Rape is bad, mmkay? Secondly, women generally feel more fear than men from threats of physical harm, not because men are evil and women are exclusively preyed upon, but because women are smaller and weaker than men. The hard truth is that this makes them an easier target. The rapist generally chooses someone that they can dominate and show power over. In the real world, this usually equates to the fairer sex. Once the rapist is caught, and goes to prison, the rules change, now don’t they?

So yes, women have more to fear than men, but not because of any flaw in society. Call it a flaw in genetics. I’m not really scared of being raped, because i’m pretty big and strong, and confident in my ability to defend myself. Most women, understandably, do not have that same confidence. Even though they are every bit as smart, and capable, and deserving of respect as men, they are smaller. They just are. (they live longer too, so it’s not all bad I guess) So what they should do is carry pepper spray or a hand gun or a samurai sword or something. I believe they will find most would be rapists change their plans once their eyes start bleeding and they’re shot full of holes. Blam-oh.

You’re afraid of strange men? Well, i’m afraid of zombies, but you don’t see me whining about how life in unfair. I just accept that to them I am seen as a delectable treat, and my blood is like sugar, and I prepare myself accordingly to minimize risk. So, miss feminist who supposedly wishes for equality and  shared rights, how about you stop complaining about how unfair life is, acknowledge your weaknesses, and implement steps to level the field. Equality at the end of a gun is still equality bitches.

And the prostitute thing? Come on. Yes rape is always wrong, and the perpetrators are wrong, and are to blame for their evil actions, but guess what, that cracked out unconcious prostitute is also to blame. It was her choices that led up to that terrible situation too. She is equally to blame because, yes, she got raped, but she would not have been if she, you know, did not do drugs, or pass out in an alleyway, or be a prostitute.

If I cover myself in honey and run naked into a bear cave, people are not going to blame the bear are they, just because i’m weaker and couldn’t defend myself. No, they’ll say, man he was a stupid idiot to put himself in that high risk position, i’m not surprised he got eaten by that bear (which I hear also raped him).

So listen up feminist-schmemenists. In the world the strong prey on the weak. It is not good or bad, it just is. Rapists are evil men (or women), and their actions are unforgivable. BUT If you truly want to be equals, stop complaining about how things go wrong sometimes, and DO something about it. Don’t expect others to fight your battles for you. Understand that you are at risk because of your physical stature. Educate yourself accordingly, and please remember handguns still shoot bullets even if they come out of a prada bag and the barrel has been be-dazzled with rhinestones.