Boys: The New Girls?

Those damn feminists are at it again. In typical selfish womanly fashion, they’ve decided to redress perceived social inequalities, not by improving themselves to a point where they actually deserve to be treated like actual human beings, but by undermining and ruining manhood itself. They see us men, bro-ing out up in our glorious golden man-castle, and instead of building a ladder so that they can climb up and join us in our splendour, they’ve decided to knock the castle down completely, so that we must all wallow in the mud like mindless beasts. What’s more appalling, and the really unforgivable part of their devious plan, is that they’ve targeted our most cherished, and most vulnerable treasure. Our sons.

While us men kill ourselves going to work at jobs we hate, to provide for our families needs, the she-devils are spending countless hours unsupervised with our impressionable youth. They are using that time to tell our boys lies. Lies like, it’s okay to be sensitive. It’s okay to feel feelings. It’s okay to cry. They keep citing cases where weak little wiener boys are getting bullied on the playground, and instead of solving the problem by teaching the little wiener boys how to be tough and strong and protect themselves, they want to just turn all of the boys into little wiener boys so they can all prance around together in rainbow fairy unicornland.

Basically, they’re trying to turn our boys into girls.

How. Dare. They. This is unforgivable, not just because it’s comparable to taking a brand new Ferrari, and turning it into a beat up late model Yugo, but also because it literally puts us all in danger. What these feminists aren’t thinking of, what they are incapable of understanding, due to their squirrel sized brains, is that men are tough and manly for a reason. Our tough manliness serves a critical purpose. Our tough manliness is the only thing protecting the entire human race from certain death.

Let’s create for ourselves a hypothetical scenario. In this scenario, we have two boys, born on the same day, but raised differently. One, Krull the Destroyer, was raised in a traditional household to be a real man, and has naturally grown up to be a brilliant success, and a credit to his species. The other however, Lafayette Dandypants, was raised by misguided feminists, and taught horrible things, like “being yourself is cool”, and “it’s okay to show affection”, and “you can cry without turning into a lady on her period”. Obviously, Lafayette has grown up to be a perpetual disappointment, shifty ne’er do well, and chronic masturbater.

One day, both of these men happen to be walking home from work, when they are attacked by wolves. Krull, since he is a real man, as you would imagine, swiftly and easily slays the pack leader, harvests its pelt as a trophy, and assumes command of the pack, becoming known forever after as Krull Beastmaster, King of the Wolves.

Lafayette of course does no such thing. Since he was taught to be in touch with his emotions, he instead tries to get the wolves to talk about their feelings, and then dies in horrible agony as the annoyed wolves feast on his gooey insides.

Congratulations feminists. You raised a wimp, and he died like a bitch.

What part of raising a generation of boys who think it’s okay to cry seems like a good idea? Crying, after all, is inherently selfish. It in no way helps other people. When you cry, all you are doing is making yourself feel better, at the expense of everyone around you who has to listen to your unpleasant blubbering and look at your gross snotty face feeling worse.

Should we really be promoting such selfish behavior in our children? No. We should teach them, both boys and girls, how to repress their emotions, to hide them down deep until they reach an externally tranquil zen-like state. So what if they’re a seething vortex of repressed rage on the inside? They’ll probably never explode.


About Max T Kramer

Max has been better than you at writing since the third grade. He currently lives in Connecticut, but will someday return to the desert.
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