Author Archives: Max T Kramer

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About Max T Kramer

Max has been better than you at writing since the third grade. He currently lives in Connecticut, but will someday return to the desert.

Dear Religious people, please shut up.

If you’re Jewish, you can’t eat delicious pork. If you’re Hindu, you can’t eat glorious beef. If you’re Muslim, you can’t take a joke. If you’re Christian, you can’t have sex without feeling guilty. Allow me to adjust the emphasis with … Continue reading

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Do men objectify women? Of course we do!

Mistress Kay is so…so angry. She is sick and tired of being objectified by insensitive guys every time she goes out in public. They stare, and they flirt, and they make crude remarks. She shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable or unsafe … Continue reading

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How to make work bearable.

I work for a fortune 100 company. I am not on the board of directors. I am, however, often bored. Growing up, I never considered myself the kind of person who would thrive in a corporate environment. I thought that because I enjoyed … Continue reading

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Why the funk do we go to the beach?

I live in Connecticut. Connecticut is not known for its beaches. Connecticut is not known for its beaches because its beaches are crap. Literally, they are made out of feces. Feces, broken Heineken bottles, and merman cum. Our “ocean” is actually the toxic sludge of … Continue reading

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Obligatory story about my dad since it was Father’s day

Christmas, 1995. Presents had been opened. Dinner had been consumed. My sisters were squabbling over the last few holiday cookies. Mom was pretending to both appreciate and be surprised by the shitty macaroni sculptures we had made her, with her help, for … Continue reading

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